Monday, June 29, 2009

Oh you poor neglected thing...

I think I spend too much of my time writing thoughts for other publications, that I always seem to forgot to come back and update you, my wee blog friend.

I'll get on it though.

We'll be best friends. YOU'LL SEE!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Oscars - Four

10:28 - Will Smith, by referencing this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W45DRy7M1no

has officially admitted he's a giant nerd.

10:29 - What did Dark Knight just win for? I was looking up the Boom goes the dynamite kid.

10:33 - That Indian guy was adorable. Will Smith officially proves that he's not acting in his comedy roles - he's 100% the same as he was in Men in Black right here.

10:35 - Milk was a damn fine movie, and I liked it far more than I liked Slumdog, but I'm in love with the Slumdog cast. They're so damn excited

10:39 - "In the Motherhood," - whenever that woman in the commercial screams to NOT WAKE THE BABY - i crack up. No clue why.

10:43 - That Coldplay song is fantastic, until two things happen. 1. Chris starts singing, and 2. you remember it's Coldplay.

10:44 - Jerry Lewis lost a TON of weight! I hope that's not because he's sick, but damn...he looks good for...got to be 70's by now.

10:47 - Fuck it. I'm giving up. Whoever thought to read this - I thank you. I'm going to lay down and watch the next hour or so and slowly drift off.

I'm rooting for Mickey Rourke - I love a good underdog story.

Night all, thanks for reading and hopefully - laughing.

10:55 - SOMEONE GET RID OF THIS EFRON KID

Oscars - Three

9:53 - Jackman is good...and now it's Crazeonce. Bitch is nuts. This is what Hollywood used to be about, all dancing and costumes.

Also, that bitch is totally lip-synching, and Jackman isn't. She's a supposed "artist" and the dude who kills mutants with his metal claws is singing live.

Give me a break.

9:56 - This live blogging shit is HARD. Oh christ, SNIPERS! SNIPERS! EFRON IS ON THE STAGE! TAKE HIS ASS OUT!

9:57 - Is it wrong that I did musicals in college, and yet can't really stand them?

9:57 - The fuck kind of name is Baz?

10:02 - Here we go, the award we're all waiting for. Dead Man Accepting.

10:04 - Who the fuck is Seymore Phillip?

10:05 - Brolin was rally fantastic in Milk, and god damn he's got good facial hair.

10:05 - Aniston is still fucking John Mayer?

And the Black dude is talking about the Black dude. Good touch. What the fuck happened to Cuba? "Brother's need to work," like you Cuba...like you.

Sweet lord Walken - cut the fucking mop dude. You've got an Efron.

Klein has got a porn stache, and Ledger's family is there. *sigh* Don't get me wrong - that Joker was unfuckingreal, but come on.

10:08 - Shocking. Lame and yet shocking.

10:09 - poor family. So sad.

Adrien Brody - looking sad as hell, RDjr tearing up...

10:10 - Anne Hathaway is going to lose it, Angelina HAS lost it.

10:13 - Bill Maher is wearing a rubber suit I think...

10:14 - Best Documentary - I want the dude with the teeth to win, because DAMMMMMMN, but I'll take Hertzog too.

I really want to see Man on Wire. AND IT JUST WON!

Dude. This guy is awesome. First - are rubber suits in? Second - that was a grand acceptance speech.

10:18 - GREAT dress on the Pinki chick. Also, she has the highest and deepest dimple ever.

10:19 - Man, this is freaking exhausting

10:22 - annnnd back again. I'm not going to make it much longer...i did far too much running today to stay awake and typing for much longer...Sorry to the 1 person out there who stumbled upon this thing...

10:23 - oooh stunts.

10:24 - I just looked it up to confirm that this was The Strokes, and find out it's the Hives. No-one's shocked by that right?

10:25 - Oh Will Smith. So charming. Let's go Iron Man for visual effects.

10:27 - That was a totally generated suit in Iron Man? Holy cats.

10:28 - Everyone I know that saw Ben Button thought it was boring as fuck, and yet it's cleaning the fuck up tonight. BRAD'S HAIR. DAMMIT.

Oscar Live Blog part 2

9:07 - Jack Black glares at the man who stole his award.

9:08 - Peter Gabriel is looking so much like his old bandmate Phil Collins.

9:09 - Animated short: I call Waltz with Bashir.

9:10 - There's a cute Octopus movie that I don't know about? Also, I'm retarded, and have no idea that Waltz with Bashir isnt in this category. Screw you Oscars.

ps. Sank you. Sank you verry much. Sank you my pencil, sank you Suntory time. OH MY FUCKING GOD HE JUST DOMO ARIGATO'D MR. ROBOTO! YOU FUCKING RULE DUDE!!!!

9:12 - Commercial. Ok, now for a moment, let's address how different these Oscars are so far. First, Jackman is doing a great job. Witty, charming, singing dancing, adamantium claws, etc. The former best supporting actresses inducting a new one, (Did Whoopie win for Color Purple? Ghost? I don't remember), no clips on that one - just heartfelt discussion about the roles played. That was very classy. The stage is incredibly gorgeous, the bandstand on stage is very 1940's Bob Hope movie, and I love it. Finally - that Screenplay bit? That was awesome. They should do that for a DVD extra on some movie. So interesting to see how they take a line on a page and turn it into acting.

9:15 - We're back. Horseface and James Bond presenting.

9:16 - Art Direction. Time to go take that dump you've been holding off on. On the fun note - Being in Chicago last year and seeing where Batman was filmed? That was great. Damn city is just BIG.

9:18 - No one cares buddy. Make it snappy.

9:19 - Hey! Sarah Jessica! How many years old are you? *WHINNY* *Stomp, Stomp, Stomp*

Costume design? I don't even know who's nominated. I say Benjamin Button

9:21 - Can Keira Knightly act if she's not set in the past? Does she just forget how? Other than Love Actually, which is the best christmas movie in the last 20 years, name something else she's been in that does not involve a bustle.

9:22 - is this dude still talking?

9:23 - Make-up, I think Hellboy should get it, I kinda want Batman too, but I think Button will get it.

9:24 - Really? A movie about an old dude beats a movie about a gigantic fish man? And this dude is having a heart attack on stage. Quick hit to Brad Pitt - God, that damn hair. If I had 20 million per picture, I'd hire a dude just to make my hair that perfect.

9:25 - HEY VAMPIRE BOY. TRY TO LOOK SCARIER BY MAKING YOUR FOREHEAD WRINKLY. What, you couldn't shave? Seriously? Edward sucks. Yes I've read the first two of those books, and screw the vampires. Let's go Werewolves and Jacob.

Ps - the woman in Slumdog is damn stunning. We're in the Romance thing - which is cute, don't get me wrong - but don't they always complain about how long these shows are? You can cut this.

Pps - Can Zac Efron go the fuck away yet?

Ppps - No seriously. Go away.

9:31 - Natalie Portman and Jaquin Phoneix (Ben stiller). She's so pretty, in a normal way. Is Phoenix at home getting pissed right now?

Anyway - Cinematography - I say Slumdog for this one.

9:34 - Ok, Stiller watching the video? That was laugh out loud funny.

This is a really good Oscars.

Here's a question. Can't you combine Director and Cinematographer? I mean...isn't the director the one who's picking how to film something? I know, I know, I'm woefully ignorant in this info - and I'm sure lighting and all sorts of technical stuff come into it, but it just seems like you could lose this guy and do alright. You know? Bad economy - WHOA, the cinematographer guy has a milf wife. Go that guy.

9:37 - DOG COMMERCIAL! DOG! The Boston census thing thinks I have a dog. I've been looking under the bed and couch all damn day...no dog.

9:38 - Jessica Biehl is wearing a toga. Annnnnd this is boring. Sci-tech awards. Time to refill the drinks, and get another round of nachos.

9:40 - RDJr. and Foxx in the "Sweet Lord Let's Get An Oscar" movie.

9:42 - Stoner section - not funny, UNTIL Robert Downey! Sidenote: the commentary track on Tropic Thunder is him in character...oh wait...Franco's kissing men...hold on...HAHAHAHAAH. Subtle gay jokes. beautiful.

9:45 - That Sarah Marhall movie - that dude just waves that junk around all damn day huh?

9:46 - What the fuck is this award? Oh live action short. Whatever one is in french. Go.

9:47 - German one. Close the fuck enough. Franco might actually be high. What a shock, one with Nazis in it wins. Dude's wife is FREAKING OUT. Like Ricky Gervais said, you want some Oscar love, you do a flick with the Third Reich.

9:48 - Best supporting actor coming up. Let me just get this out now. I don't want Heath to win. Like, we get it. He died. It's terrible, but movie's like The Dark Knight don't get nominated for best actor awards, and I feel that this is a pity party now. Add in the fact that Robert Downey Jr. SHOULD have won for Chaplin (rent it. he's fucking unreal), and it makes you just go seriously? Hell, Downey did amazing in that role, but what about the poor guy out there that DIDNT get nominated so that a dead guy could.

The politics in these awards...bleh.

Anyway, Josh Brolin was damn impressive too.

sidenote again: Captain Mal is in a new show about a wisecracking writer. Can you just start designing shows for me personally?

Oscar Live Blog.

8:20pm: Oscar live blog begins. I don't know that I'm qualified to do this, but I've always kind of wanted to. So, this will be a large collection of craziness and comments about dresses, who looks hot, how Robert Downey Jr. got robbed, and how Wolverine does as a host. Let's GET IT ON.

8:28pm: First prediction - For Best Supporting Actress (which I think is first), I call Viola Davis for Doubt.

8:30pm: Alright, time to wow me Weapon X.

8:31pm: Is it weird that it creeps me out when he talks in his normal accent? ROBERT DOWNEY JR! THAT'S MAH BOY!

8:32pm: Ok, he's actually pretty funny. Sweet lord, he's going to sing.

8:35: Laughing at "pubic hair." He's awesome.

8:36: I feel that Anne Hathaway is just attractive enough to not be threatening to women, and thus all women love her. Me? Boooooorrrrring.

8:37: HE'S LAUGHING AT HIMSELF! Ok, when Jimmy Fallon does it? Annoying. When Wolver-fucking-ine does it, it's charming.

8:39: He calls himself Wolverine, and he can sing. This man is my fucking idol.

8:41: Is it wrong that Brad Pitt's hair looks more put together than most of the men nominated? Also, Streep's daughter - smoking hot.

8:41: THE CURTAINS DON'T OPEN! Did anyone else feel a little gut punch? I did!

8:43: I think Whoopie killed and ate that dress on the way over. Sweet fucking lord. Viola Davis is all choked up!

8:45: I think Whoopie has Foghorn Leghorn tattooed on her boob. Also, she's still damn funny. I feel slightly bad I made fun of her horrendous ugly terrible dress now.

8:47: Annnnnnnd I'm wrong. Son of a. Awwww, she's all nervous! I can't stand her voice. Oh DON'T SHARE IT WITH YOUR NOMINEES! WHAT A STUPID THING TO SAY! Oh thanks Penny! I didn't win, but I get part of yours! Can I have the head? YAY!

Eh, congrats. WHOA, some dude's screaming.

Mom's tearing up.

Eh.

8:50: Animated feature coming up. I've only seen Kung Fu Panda, and it was fantastic. Wall-E is on the list though. I think Wall-E will probably take it, Disney/Pixar has the cash to do the most vocal angling for their film, and it's a far touchier subject. 0/1 so far...Oh SON OF A BITCH...I just bit my own tongue eating Ben & Jerry's. Ow Ow Ow.

8:53 - Fey and Martin...good pair. This is right up my alley. Best Screenplay, I say Original - Milk, Adapted - Slumdog.

8:55: The way they're doing these Oscars is far cooler than usual. I love this screenplay bit. Man. Milk was fantastic.

8:57: Yeah Milk! 1/2! Aww, he's sad! You get married boy!

8:59: Martin and Fey are pretty damn funny. Why does SNL suck so much with these people out there? Also, Slumdog wins! 2/3 bitches! IN YOUR FACE.

9:03: Annnnd Jack Black reads my mind. Also, it's amazing that you can't see the daggers shooting from Angelina Jolie's eyes into Jennifer Aniston's face.